How to cure a hangover in Hollywood (in 30 seconds flat)

Life is all about balance. When the balance is disturbed, you do what you have to to regain it immediately.

It was early in the valley on the sunny, warm morning of my birthday when I awoke to my wife’s hoarse plea for water.

The day and night before had been an arduous trek from New Mexico. Rocketing through the desert we finally reached the oasis of Los Angeles.

We were road-weary to say the least. Workers miming construction along the desert highways forced us onto a more out-of-the-way road, which wound down and back upwards of around 3,000 feet of altitude, hugging a dangerous and twisty path perched on the edge of a bottomless canyon. It was far off the route that could get us back to any main freeway within a day and it was our only option.

After that, we would have to go just another ten hours blasting through the crooked trails until we could get back to work in LaLa land.

Getting in to Los Angeles, we met up with our show biz colleague, who is now a partner in a new Highland Park venture, a killer hangout called The Greyhhound Bar, LA.

the greyhound la

Old Milwaukee and Schlitz, beer can chicken, and an epic pickle plate — They’ve done a phenomenal job on the place — So good we felt we had to stay there for over 8 hours. We put in a full day of work thoroughly investigating the food and drink of this very busy bar.

________

All that investigation and middle-shelf potato juice left Kristina with a massive headache and had done quite a number on her equilibrium.

I had a full day of birthday activities planned. She was able to rally just enough for this old man to make it to Denny’s for a free birthday Grand Slam. She tried real hard to hold it together, but the nausea from the hangover combined with the winding roads of the last few days made it clear this was a battle best fought in bed.

I recalled this one guy, Justin Timber-something on some late-night show telling the story about how he couldn’t cut it in the studio one day, too wrecked from the night before, when Madonna showed up with a syringe of B12, told him to bend over and that was it. He popped back into the land of the living.

It was then I realized we were now in a real city. A city of excess. A city where you can buy anything or anyone; I wanted to buy back this day of my life before it was ruined for us both.

These things were long thought to be privilege of the elites to prolong life. With enough money, you could buy an oxygen chamber to sleep in. Kings and royalty throughout history have spent fortunes and fought wars to seek out such wonders, hoping to feel young and virile long into their twilight years. Now any Jack with $25 can tap Ponce de Leon’s fountain flowing on the third floor of a clinic just north of Valley Village.

We found the Pacific Rejuvenation Medical Clinic online and jetted straight there. For $25 you can walk in, get a B complex shot in the butt and be on your way. Or, in Kristina’s severe case, a $75 IV push or drip guaranteed to cure a hangover in as little as 30 seconds flat.

Kristina crawled into the Doctor’s office and ordered what is known as a Myers Cocktail IV push. A careful mix of vitamins, antioxidants, anti-nausea, and eye of newt.

Pictures on the clinic walls were signed celebrity headshots. Ke$ha, Parker Posey, Eva Longoria, that one chick from 24, that other chick from some movies I’ve never seen… Either they were getting new butts here, or curing their hangovers… Or the office collects headshots. Whatever happened, I knew we’d not be the worse for the day.

Containing all kinds of B and C vitamins, folic acid for the blood cells, a carnitine energy booster and a liver detoxifying agent MIC, the Myers contains mostly water-soluble supplements that are naturally produced by your body. This was just a faster delivery system to help flush the toxins and get Kristina flying straight again.

Kristina’s translucent skin made easy work of finding a suitable vein. Within a couple seconds, her color came back, eyes opened and I could tell her heartbeat was stronger. She said she was light-headed, closed her eyes and described tasting these intravenous vitamins. When she opened her eyes five seconds later, they were wide with amazement. She felt incredible, ready to take on the world! Soon she was back on her feet… I think her hair even straightened out. Birds were singing.

hangover before and after1

A goddamn miracle cure (this statement not approved by the FDA).

I wasn’t hungover, but decided I wanted a little of what she was having, so I opted for a quick shot of B Complex, injected straight into the muscle. Then we were ready to get back to work.

Dave's birthday shot in the ass.

Dave’s birthday shot in the ass.

“I think it’s coming out of my pores,” she said as we got back on the bus. Sure enough, her sweet skin smelled like Flintstones chewables.

This clinic specializes in help for weight loss, along with various antioxidant therapies. It wasn’t an everyday kind of treatment, but while on the road, it was a helpful boost at a time we couldn’t afford to be laid out, or up. This treatment cured her hangover nearly instantly. It is also reported to instantly cure migraines, jet lag, or just give the patient a renewed sense of energy and vitality. There is also an option that is a bit more spendy and takes a little longer but has a completely rehydrating, more potent, and longer-lasting effect; this is the Myers Cocktail IV drip. The “banana bag” as it is known to many a drunken medical student or professional Las Vegas vacationer can be experienced for $150.

You could say it was sort of like a fuel additive, when the core engine is running a little rough and there’s no time for a full makeover. Just a little sparkle juice to get up the hill with a smile.

Of all the things you can buy in LA, and especially of those things you might inject into your veins — this has to be one of the best. Instant relief in Hollyweird.

-David & Kristina-

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